Saturday, September 2, 2017

casting out thoughts

actually I never expected to be fully understood but I had hopes that someone, anyone, might understand even some small pieces


when I say I do not fit in, I am not seeking a validation from you that I somehow DO fit in ~ it is, for me, simply a statement of how I feel in general throughout this human life


the tears sit there at the back of my eyes having arisen from my throat swollen with the ache of the feelings of humanity


in admonition to myself: lest you forget the true purpose of your current placement on the blue-green planet, healing is the word of reminder but more so compassion and love are the tools, stop being so removed from the work of the universe


sometimes people come in rapid succession into the focus of my heart to remind me that this is a wispy human experience that lasts so briefly that sleeping too long or sitting to often might be wasting the gift of this time humans have to live to learn to heal


I frighten myself sometimes with the sudden consciousness of the pieces of the universe that bubble up from within


my heart bleeds white for you


the lack of attachment to outcome leaves me with the freedom to do the work of the living that has a universal purpose and the healing of not only the self but more so the healing of the suffering of those searching to realize their own gifts given before birth


no I am not special just oddly 'wakened to what is above the pretending that many call reality and I certainly do not remember choosing this for myself as if I had a choice to be this small little piece of such a huge overwhelming vastness ill defined by meager human minds


the creative energy that wells up and out of me sometimes requires expression or I begin to feel physically nauseous and anxious, painting is but one answer to that expression as is writing



no I am not like you so no I am not liked by every other human being ~ some say it is a curse, I say it is what must be and that is that:  it means I do not expect to be liked by everyone and still I am able to love even those who hate.  Not really so strange for star dust.


In one of my dreams last night I was listening to a person talk when they mentioned my age: 153 and I now gasp as to what does that mean.  Shhhh breathe even breaths.  You only have to live right now not all 153 years at once.


~ oh I have to go ~ I need to talk with a friend.......






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