The closer I get to surgery date the harder it is for me to sleep. I have to keep trying to quiet my ego that contains ever so much fear. I turn to my heart and soul to guide yet my ego makes huge attempts to recapture my attention and scare the heck out of me.
Heart: Why be scared?! We got this no matter what happens.
Ego: Oh the pain you will be in and what if you react to the anesthesia!
Heart: The physical pain will not last. We have reacted to anesthesia before and here we are. Besides the worst that can happen is release from the human body. Like so what! We are always ready for a change in the condition of the energy.
Ego: You are going to be all alone with no one to help you when you get home let alone to hold your hand through the surgery.
Heart: We were all alone for two complete hip replacements ~ the surgeries and the recoveries that took 6 weeks each. We did it. Where there is love there will be more love. Hope and faith.
This goes round and round. It is a blessing that I will be busy teaching today and tomorrow to occupy my time. Then the weekend will be full caring for my Mother and her affairs, taking care of the usual basic chores for myself and finally preparing for the after surgery recovery with some cooking ahead of time, laundry and household work since I will not be able to lift for a week plus.
This too will bring lessons about love and make me even stronger as does every situation. I see learning and growth capabilities and I am blessed with an attitude of gratitude. Love is always here and all it does is grow more and more.
Ok I need to get on with my day and pack my book bag and my lunch.
Have a great day on purpose. Pass smiles for miles.
With Love ~
KB
:-) I admire that you are preparing for it. I just yell "Geronimo!" (assuming that the morphine cloud will let me remember that damned indians name) and see what happens on the other side.
ReplyDeleteI once did go it alone ... not one of my fonder memories, but I did muddle though ...