High expectations for my self

"Any situation that pushes my buttons is a situation where I do not yet have the capacity to be unconditionally loving."

When first I fail, I find myself disappointed in myself.  It takes me a while to realize that it is at those points where my buttons have been pushed that I have some more learning about love to do.

It is difficult to take a few steps back and process everything to then figure out how to reground myself in gentler ways of living, not only giving others those second, third and fourth chances, but giving myself the same.  If I can give others that many chances then surely I can allow myself another chance to learn and grow.

I tend to have very high expectations of myself where with any other I simply believe in their authentic abilities right off.  Being supportive of others comes so much easier for me.  BUT over the years I have learned that I am worth that support too.

Without lessons to be learned about love I guess life would be over.

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My eyesight is so bad now that I am feeling enclosed/caged with walls of darkness closing in on me as a whole.  What is disconcerting to me is not only the time that I must wait before the surgery (it just seems so long off as my sight loses ground day by day) but the huge significant struggle to find anyone ~ anyone at all ~ who is willing to be not only my transport the day of the surgery but maybe allow me to squeeze their hand as my emotions well up right before going under.  Who would have imagined that no one had the time to take out for a day to help someone out?!

~ sighs ~

I am stressing out ....... and I wished it were not so.